I sit here in my room.

I have a web journal elsewhere in which I could be writing, but there's no safety in writing things that are dear to one's heart in a public place. Especially if revealing these thoughts were to change the perspective of so many.

The laughter of peers at a comedy. The fighting of controllers and remotes for the television. Twisting and warping water. Random races in the front yard.

It seems to odd. So out of place. I would never think of marriage. It's not for me. Children? Of my own? Never. The thought would not cross my mind. It's not my style, it's not for me. Despite the fact that peoples' plans can change, I'd never want that.

Would I?

I'm never to return to age 14, sitting in the basement with horrible brothers who steal the remote, and hog the nintendo. I must be strong, and decisive. I must be independent, and free - single and without regret. It's funny how an illusion given can tear someone apart so much. I'm grateful that Evanescence appropriately imaged 'Everybody's Fool'.

Can I go through life on my own? Where will my family be? Someone to talk to when I just need to banter about irrelevant ideas? Who do I turn to for a hug when everyone else is so far away? Are kids all that bad? Is solitude? Perhaps I just need a temporary creative outlet - one not required.

The bicycle paths in Calgary are much more extensive than in Kitchener-Waterloo. But there are mice in the house, regardless.